I’ve seen a lot of talk on the topic of Santa, his truth, and what we should tell children. I’ve also been thinking about it a lot, as a mother of 3 young children. Recently my 3 year old told me Santa wasn’t real. Out of nowhere. I asked him why he thought that and he “hmm’d” at me and walked away. There has been no follow up, and I’m not going to rush it. I’m 90% sure he knows what he was saying, but I also know his understanding is not that of an adult.

I grew up in a secular family. Christmas was little more (from my childhood perspective) than a time to get presents, eat so many cookies (I’m a big cookie fan), decorate a tree and sing fun songs. Santa was the Christmas experience for me, from Christmas songs about being naughty and nice, visiting “him” at the mall for photos, and of course baking cookies for him.

In 1st grade, a classmate spilled the beans on “the truth” and it was all over for my little brother and I. I feel terrible to have spoiled the tradition for my then-4-year-old brother, but in hindsight I’m not sure anything really changed because of it.

Despite our “knowledge”, our family’s Santa tradition continued, and I don’t think it’s ever ended. My parents still give gifts “from Santa” as do my husbands parents, though Christmas was far from a secular experience for them. We were both taught, that the magic comes from believing. Though this wasn’t explained to me very deeply then, over time I have come to understand what exactly that means.

The way I share Santa with my children is vastly. different than my parent’s sharing his tradition with me, in essence it’s is largely the same.

Santa is a legend, a folktale, that has been passed down over time. As with any good legend, his story has evolved and become embellished over time. In the end though, his tale is larger than life because he exemplifies what it means to be good, and charitable and loving. He is so large and so joyous because, as they say in Elf “the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear”. Santa is the jolliest of all of the elves, and he helps to guide our way in this cold, dark time. We make our examples grand and larger than life, so that we may rise to the occasion. Just like the real man upon whom he is based, Saint Nicholas, Santa shows us big ways we can share the spirit of Christmas—by giving. We have big boots to fill, and while none of us ever can fill them on our own, together we can.

We spend a lot of time talking with our kids (in language they can understand and relate to) about believing in magic, and in more than what you can just see. Some may say that only the things you can see and prove with science are real and true—if so then Santa isn’t real or true—personally I not only choose to believe, but know, that there is more to life than that.

We chose to believe, and share with our children, that magic does exist when you believe in it. The world works in many mysterious ways, and there really are a great number of things that happen that defy explanation. Santa is one of those things. So I choose to explain him in this way. My children know that the man at the mall is a representative of Santa, not the the man who (legend has) lives at the North Pole. We’re not sure how reindeer can fly, or if they can, but they certainly can pull a sleigh in the far north. They know that the real Santa cannot ever be seen, and that his ways are beyond our understanding. They also know the story of Saint Nicholas, and that many hundreds of years ago he joined Jesus and the other Saints in Heaven. What exactly that means is also a mystery to us, but we make it clear that this man is who (in part anyway) Santa is based on—and that he died long ago. So how does he still deliver presents to children around the world? This is the mystery and magic of Santa.

We also let them engage in the mystery themselves. “I’m not sure how exactly that works. I don’t know if anyone knows. What do you think?” In this way they participate in the greater magic on their own, instead of just being handed a crafted adult story.

Yes you’re right, there is no one jolly old fat man in a red suit who travels all over the world in one night to deliver toys to children. However, like individual cells that come together to form an organ, or individual atoms that come together to form a molecule, parents and caregivers and lovers of Santa all over the world join together in the last and darkest month of the year and together we create something new—and real. The spirit of Santa.